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Of outcomes and anxieties

Being hardwired to outcomes, we often miss out the process involved in achieving them. 

When I started my tryst with making videos, there was a perpetual feeling of anxiety of getting it right. I have to look at the camera, my attire has to be presentable, I must not stammer and forgetting my lines makes me look like an idiot. There’s a shadow under my nose! 

For a long time, my energies were focused on getting it right. Till one day, I asked myself, what exactly is RIGHT? At best they are opinions. Driven by context and always subjective. This proved a big liberator for me as I began focusing on the moment. 

Telling myself all the while. I am learning a new skill. So what, if none of the parameters are right. Let me just enjoy the moment, making all possible mistakes. For, what’s the worse that can happen? I may end up shooting the video again. 

And so it was that I made friends with my own anxiety. Because it was this anxiety made me aware of my ego self – a need for approval from those around me as a means to happiness. Today I feel happy that I am making these videos. Safe in the belief that I am enjoying the process of its making and not bogged down by the outcomes. 

Because the outcome isn’t about a good video itself. It is about all the good words that I come to expect from those watching it. 

And that was precisely what made me anxious.

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