Making peace with myself
Three days ago
I woke up with a start
Something unknown tugged at the heart
It shook me up
Wasn’t sure what
Was I awake?
Or asleep as always?
Make no mistake
For, I was angry
Angry at what woke me up
Angry that others slept
Angry that I was powerless
To wake others up
And then it all came out
The anguish behind anger
And I wrote the words in the earlier post
Shared it with a few friends
And went back to sleep
Back into solitude
Back into silence
True! I am angry. Have been so all my life. Today as I careen towards the latter part of my life on this planet, I am still angry. The anger is at how fast I am breaking up.
We are all broken people seeking to break some more and break others. Each of us has a reason to break another because we are ourselves broken.
How can broken people heal others? Every soul is wounded and every body is weakened. Where will compassion go?
Yes the anger is there; yes there are unsaid words. The question is new.
How to feel anger at broken people? They are already in pieces. How to say things to people who are busy getting broken and breaking others?
Carrying it within appears to be the best option.
Accepting the futility of saying it or expressing it. For nobody is listening; nobody cares; the words fall through the broken mind and the shattered hearts that we are carrying with us.
No hope of mending because our core is getting destroyed now. Slowly and steadily.
A silent withering away may be the only answer. Let the world break itself up. Let the silence prevail. Let the new shoots rise somewhere – where people only build – oneself and each other.
A silent prayer. A retreat to solitude.
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